Sunday, July 25, 2004

Cheney's Jokes Make Me Cry

"Somebody said to me the other day that Senator Edwards got picked because he's sexy, good looking, charming. I said, how do you think I got this job?"

Dick Cheney,
Lansing, Michigan, July 16th, 2004.

Ahem. Mr Cheney? Jeremy Brendan here... I'm with My Life as a Reptile. Yes, I cover Washington, among other places. No, you're right... I don't get paid for this stuff. Anyhow, I had to ask you a question. How did you get the job of Vice President? I imagine that you had to pass through some rigorous interviews with the Vice Presidential Search Committee? Did you bring your CV in a leather briefcase? I always shave "a priori", what about you?

Really? So you were hired by the Bush team to track down a suitable VP candidate and you chose yourself? Yes, that was a brilliant move... it
makes simple nepotism seem quaint and archaic. Machiavelli would have been proud.

Of course I've heard of Michael Moore! He's that portly director with the razor-edge wit who directed "Bowling for Columbine", right? He already wrote about how Bush paid you $3M USD to hire yourself in his book? I suppose that would make this old news.

Before you go, could I get one thing straight? After sifting through a large pool of talented Republicans (including both Colin Powell & Sen. John McCain), you concluded that nobody had the cojones to be VP. Then, after much deliberation and staring in the mirror, you made a quick call to your broker and divested of your Halliburton stock. Quick thinking, Mr. Cheney. Perhaps the press should strip Nixon of his monicker and call you the tricky one.

Now, you're the second-string quarterback of America, the next in line if Bush chokes on another pretzel, the Right-Hand Man. What do you do, exactly? I see that you make speeches and occasionally hook up your friends with billions of sweetheart contracts (no bid, no quip, $11 billion. Doll dollah bills, y'all!)...Seems like a pretty decent gig.

You've got to go? Dinner with the Al Saud Royal family? I see. Send my regards to Prince Bandar. No, I wasn't at that public beheading in Ridyah. Anyhow, take it easy and watch out for the John-John ticket in November... They're bearing down on you like an INS Agent on a Mexican migrant worker. Sure, I think you and Shrub stand a chance, if the Dems don't resuscitate Kerry in time for voting day.

Oh yeah, one more thing. Is Bush really as dumb as they say he is? He hired you? Hehehehe. You mean you hired you! Heh. You're pretty funny for an old guy. No, I'm not crying. The wind was blowing and I must have got some sand in there.

Friday, July 09, 2004

Wolf Parade Signed by Sub Pop

Montreal rock magicians Wolf Parade have been signed to the ultra-cool Seattle record label Sub Pop. Dedicated readers of JB may remember that we hinted at such an occurrence during the WP interview we published in April, but this Sub Pop press release put an end to the speculation.

Isaac Brock, wunderkind musician and de-facto leader of Modest Mouse, may have had something to do with this. In the Sub Pop press release, they credit Isaac with discovering Dan's phenomenal songwriting ability (while Dan was the composer/guitarist of now-defunct Atlas Strategic). Whatever he told the A & R guys at Sub Pop, it couldn't have hurt WP's chances. He has exemplary taste and good record labels listen when a great artist notices another band.

Above all, Wolf Parade's music is soulful and intricately layered, yet just abrasive enough to keep the punk kids interested. Don't believe the hype: just go and see them play live before they're filling stadiums and driving Bentleys. [Ed. note: Indie rockers buying luxury cars? You're just bitter, Jeremy...Bitter that you're bus-passing around to play open mics for free beer.]

Wolf Parade will be playing with Modest Mouse at the following venues in August:

  • 08-02 Royal Oak Theater- Detroit, MI

  • 08-03 Scene Pavillion- Cleveland, OH

  • 08-04 Kool Haus- Toronto, ON

  • 08-06 The Rialto- Montreal, QC

  • 08-07 Avalon- Boston, MA

  • 08-08 Hammerstein Ballroom- New York, NY

Check out their website for more information or to contact them (or even to schedule a gig!).